Growing up is an inevitable part of life. Every second, minute, and hour you are that much older. As we grow up, we take new chances on things gaining our own unique experiences that shape our lives. In doing so, we may unintentionally outgrow the "important" people in our lives without even noticing it. Once the reality of the situation finally sinks in, you may experience some growing pains.
Growing pains may arise from a series of things like new relationships, juggling work-life balance, lack of finances, distance, and change in interests according to Kaitlyn Wylde of Bustle.com. In my case, I think some of my oldest friendships have experienced growing pains from all of these things and the cost has been hurt feelings, disagreements, and blowouts. One thing that I've taken away from all of them is that if someone is truly your friend these growing pains wouldn't make or break your friendship they would just allow for growth and new understanding. In the instances where this was not the case, I struggled to make the decision, but I knew that it was time to let them go. Although this was hard, I realized, that some friends do not last forever while other friends are more loyal than your family (Proverbs 18:24).
During the process of letting go, I experienced sadness, confusion, frustration, and anger. Even still I tried to make it work; although everyone who knew me told me that it was over and I needed to move on. The reality of the situation was I didn't want to face the fact that our season was finally over and that it would be okay.
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...A time to weep, a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;...A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;" (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4, & 6)
When seasons come to an end and you are not mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared, the transition can be hard. In those instances, you must remember to cast all your care upon him (1 Peter 5:7) for his grace is sufficient which has made you strong in times of weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). He has not forgotten you; He will never leave or forsake you (Hebrew 13:5). When you can come to that realization, then the healing process can begin.
Remember Yeshua said,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
I recommend turning to Yahuah in these times and rest on him. Find hope and shalom (peace) in His words and allow Him to heal you.
According to Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, the closer you were to the friend you lose the more it will hurt and the more time you will need. She recommends six weeks to bring clarity. During this time, you should focus on yourself and your family — do a reset.
During your reset and me/family time, evaluate yourself, see if there are things that you can improve for the next friendship. You should also evaluate your past friend to pull out the characteristics you valued and the characteristics you did not in the hopes of finding a more compatible friend.
Just always remember, growth is inevitable. It is important for you to grow as well as the people in your life. It may be hard at first, but with time, it will get easier. Yahuah places people in your life for a season or many seasons, but He has a plan for your life and He has already pre-destined people to be a part of it. In times like these you should look to hills, for that is where your help comes from (Psalm 121:1).
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